5 Signs You're Teaching SEL Wrong
Let me start by saying this: If SEL feels overwhelming, exhausting, or like "one more thing" on your endless to-do list—you're not failing. The program is. After spending over a decade as a school counselor, I've watched countless dedicated teachers try to implement social-emotional learning programs that were set up to fail from the start. Not because teachers weren't capable or caring, but because most SEL curricula completely ignore the reality of classroom life.
Here's the truth: You might be teaching SEL "wrong," but it's probably not your fault. Today, I'm going to walk you through the five most common SEL mistakes I see teachers make—and more importantly, how to fix them so SEL actually works for both you and your students.
Sign #1: You Skip SEL When You're Busy (Which Is... Always)
What This Looks Like: You have the best intentions. Your SEL curriculum sits on your desk. You know it's important. But when you're behind on math lessons, dealing with behavior issues, preparing for assessments, responding to parent emails, and trying to remember if you ate lunch today—SEL is the first thing to go. By Friday, you feel guilty. "I didn't do any SEL this week. I'm failing my students." Sound familiar?
Why This Happens: Most SEL programs assume you have unlimited time and energy. They give you elaborate 45-minute lessons with multiple activities, materials that need preparation, and instructions that require you to be "on" and highly engaged. The problem: You don't have unlimited time or energy. None of us do.
How to Fix It: Create a "Low-Energy SEL" toolkit. For every SEL skill you want to teach, have three versions ready:
Full version (30-40 minutes) - Use when you have time and energy.
Simplified version (15-20 minutes) - Use on typical busy days.
Low-energy version (5-10 minutes) - Use when you're exhausted.
Example: Teaching Emotion Identification
Full version: Emotion stations, role-plays, discussion, worksheet, reflection.
Simplified version: Show emotion faces chart, discuss as a group, quick partner activity.
Low-energy version: Play a 3-minute video on emotions, have students draw three feelings, optional share-out.
The low-energy version still teaches the skill. It just doesn't require you to be a highly-energetic facilitator when you're running on empty. The mindset shift: Some SEL is always better than no SEL. Permission to simplify is not permission to fail—it's sustainable teaching.
Sign #2: SEL Feels Like "One More Thing" (Instead of Just... Teaching)
What This Looks Like: You teach reading from 9:00-10:00, math from 10:00-11:00, and then... you're supposed to "add in" SEL? Where? When? You're already 30 minutes behind schedule by 10:30 a.m. SEL becomes this separate, disconnected "subject" you squeeze in when (if) you have time. It feels like an addition to an already-overflowing plate rather than something integrated into your day.
Why This Happens: Most SEL curricula are designed as standalone lessons, as if SEL only happens during a designated "SEL time." This is backwards. The truth: Social-emotional learning happens all day, every day. You're already teaching it—you just might not be naming it.
How to Fix It: Weave SEL into what you're already doing. Stop thinking of SEL as a separate subject. Instead, look for the SEL moments already happening naturally in your classroom:
Morning Meeting? That's SEL. (Self-awareness, relationship skills, social awareness)
Reading a picture book? That's SEL. (Character emotions, perspective-taking, empathy)
Math problem-solving? That's SEL. (Frustration tolerance, perseverance, self-management)
Handling a conflict between students? That's SEL. (Problem-solving, responsible decision-making)
A transition between activities? That's SEL. (Self-regulation, following directions)
Instead of asking, "When will I fit in SEL?" ask, "Where is SEL already happening, and how can I be more intentional about it?"
Quick Wins:
Add emotion check-ins to your morning routine (2 minutes).
Ask SEL reflection questions during a read-aloud ("How is the character feeling? How do you know?").
Name the SEL skills students are using: "I noticed you took deep breaths when you were frustrated—that's self-management!"
Use transitions as mindfulness moments (30 seconds of breathing between subjects).
The mindset shift: SEL isn't one more thing to add. It's a lens through which you view everything you're already doing.
Sign #3: Your Students Aren't Engaged (They're Bored, Distracted, or Acting Out)
What This Looks Like: You try to lead an SEL lesson, but kids are zoning out, fidgeting, talking over you, or saying, "This is boring." You end up spending more time managing behavior than actually teaching the SEL skill. Or worse, you're delivering a beautifully planned lesson... to a room of blank stares.
Why This Happens: Many SEL programs are either too abstract for kids to grasp ("Let's talk about self-awareness!") or too preachy and lecture-based ("You should always be kind"). Kids learn by doing, not by listening to adults talk at them about feelings.
How to Fix It: Make it active, relevant, and student-centered.
Use scenarios they actually face: Instead of generic "Billy was mean to Sarah" scenarios, use real classroom situations: "You're playing a game at recess and someone says you're out, but you don't think you are. What do you do?" or "Your friend didn't save you a seat at lunch. How do you feel? What could you do?"
Get them moving: Sitting and talking about feelings doesn't work for most kids (or adults, honestly). Try role-plays, four-corners activities, partner activities, or games that reinforce SEL concepts. Art, drawing, or creating are also great ways to express emotions.
Make it safe to participate: Some kids don't want to share personal feelings in front of 25 peers. Give options like think-pair-share, written responses, an anonymous question box, or opt-out options (thumbs up/down instead of verbal shares).
Keep it short and focused: 10 minutes of highly engaging SEL is better than 30 minutes of kids tuning out.
The mindset shift: If they're not engaged, it's not because "kids these days don't care about SEL." It's because the activity isn't meeting them where they are. Adjust the lesson, not your expectations of students.
Sign #4: You Can't Tell If It's Actually Working (No Way to Measure Impact)
What This Looks Like: You're teaching SEL lessons, but you have no idea if kids are actually learning anything. Are they developing emotional intelligence, improving social skills, or getting better at self-regulation? Your administrator asks, "How's SEL going?" and you respond with, "Um... good, I think?"
Why This Happens: Unlike math (where you can give a test) or reading (where you track fluency), SEL outcomes feel fuzzy and hard to measure. Most teachers aren't given assessment tools or data collection methods to track growth. So SEL becomes this thing you do, but can't prove is working.
How to Fix It: Use simple, low-effort assessment strategies. You don't need fancy rubrics or hours of data collection. Here are quick ways to track SEL growth:
Beginning/Middle/End of Year Self-Assessments: Give students a simple emoji or rating scale: "I can name my emotions" (😞 → 😐 → 😊). This tracks class-wide trends and individual growth.
Behavior Tracking: You're probably already noticing these—now document them. Look for fewer behavior referrals, decreased tattling, more students using calm-down strategies independently, and improved conflict resolution.
Check-In Tracking: During emotion check-ins, keep simple tallies over time. Are more students able to name complex emotions? Are they using SEL vocabulary?
Anecdotal Records: Keep a simple document or notebook. Jot down notes like, "Alex used breathing today without prompting," or "Three students resolved a recess conflict independently."
Student Work Samples: Save emotion drawings or conflict resolution scenarios from September vs. May to show growth.
The mindset shift: SEL assessment doesn't need to be complicated or time-consuming. Simple documentation of what you're already noticing is enough to show growth and justify the time you're spending on it.
Sign #5: You're Exhausted from Trying to Make SEL Perfect (And It's Adding to Your Burnout)
What This Looks Like: You spend hours on Pinterest and Teachers Pay Teachers finding the perfect SEL activities. You stay late cutting and laminating materials. You plan elaborate lessons that require significant energy to facilitate. By the time you actually teach the lesson, you're already exhausted from the prep. Then, when the lesson doesn't go perfectly (because it never does), you feel like a failure. So you work even harder next time. The cycle continues until you're completely burned out and ready to abandon SEL altogether.
Why This Happens: We've been conditioned to believe that "good teaching" means elaborate activities and perfectly executed lessons. Add to that the teacher-guilt machine: "If I really cared about my students, I'd do more." Here's what I need you to hear as a school counselor who has worked with hundreds of teachers: Elaborate does not equal effective.
How to Fix It: Embrace "good enough" SEL. Your SEL teaching does not need to be Instagram-worthy, complicated, time-intensive, or perfect. It just needs to be consistent, genuine, and sustainable.
Try these strategies:
Use ready-made resources: Don't reinvent the wheel. Find a research-based curriculum and use it. Your time and mental health are worth the investment.
Repeat activities: You don't need a new activity every week. Kids benefit from consistency and repetition.
Let go of perfection: A "good enough" SEL lesson delivered consistently beats a "perfect" lesson you only do once.
Ask for help: Co-plan with your grade-level team, use AI tools for quick lesson ideas, or delegate prep to paraprofessionals or volunteers.
Protect your boundaries: Don't take SEL work home. Use your prep time for prep. Say no to adding "just one more thing" to your SEL block.
The most important mindset shift: You can't teach kids about emotional regulation and self-care if you're a burned-out, exhausted shell of yourself. Sustainable SEL teaching means protecting your own well-being first. Your students need a healthy, present teacher more than they need elaborate SEL activities.
The Bottom Line: SEL Should Support You, Not Exhaust You
If you're doing any of these five things, please hear me: You're not a bad teacher. You're working within a system that wasn't designed with your reality in mind. The good news? You can teach SEL effectively without spending hours planning, creating elaborate activities, sacrificing your sanity, or feeling guilty for "not doing enough."
SEL should make your life easier, not harder. It should reduce behavior issues, improve classroom culture, and help both you and your students develop the emotional skills needed to thrive. When SEL is done right, teaching becomes more sustainable, students are more regulated, conflicts decrease, and connection increases. And you get to go home at a reasonable hour without feeling guilty about it.
Ready to Teach SEL the Sustainable Way?
My sister, a teacher with over 10 years of experience, and I created Thrive & Learn Online because we were tired of watching amazing teachers burn out trying to implement SEL programs that were never designed with their well-being in mind.
Every resource includes: ✅ Full, simplified, AND low-energy versions of every lesson ✅ Ready-to-use activities (no hours of prep)
✅ CASEL-aligned, research-based content
✅ Teacher wellness support built in
✅ AI agent for on-demand helpBecause when teachers thrive, students thrive.
Download my free "5 Ready-to-Use SEL Activities" and see what sustainable SEL looks like.
About the Author
Jenniffer Acosta is a school counselor with over 10 years of experience working with teachers, students, and families across elementary, middle, and high school settings and Hanely Acosta a teacher with over 10 years of experience. After witnessing countless teachers burn out trying to implement unsustainable SEL programs, we created Thrive & Learn Online—a complete SEL curriculum designed for real classrooms, real challenges, and real humans who get exhausted.
Learn more at thriveandlearnonline.com
What SEL mistake resonated most with you?
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